I have a tiny tiger on a chain
Every little bit I lose is a little bit he gains
Right now I can control each move that he makes
But each day he grows the more effort it takes
And someday he'll grow so large his chain will break
My pet tiger will have grown into an out of control beast
Prowling around my feet, looking for a feast
Waiting for the right time to pounce
And devour
What remains of my flesh
How much longer I have is anyone's guess
So I secure my tiger's chain to the foot of Jesus' cross
And for a moment, I shed a few tears for my loss
Then I walk away from him, feeling light and free
Christ's blood destroyed my tiger before my tiger destroyed me.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Breaking bones, breaking chains
1/7/13
Growing up in an abusive home means every night, every incident, every betrayal and hurt I experienced resulted in the fracturing of something inside me. Those fractured, left untreated, all healed crooked and bent at odd angles. Like a broken bone left unset and unsplinted, areas of my heart, soul and spirit were permanently crippled. I could still function, but not normally. Things easy for others came at great difficulty for me. My ability to trust, hope, love and live were all fractured, displaced and crippled by abuses experienced so young.
Then God took hold of my heart, and promised to heal all my old fractures and bents toward unbelief, distrust, fear and hopelessness. So began the long, painful process of rebreaking all those bones, setting them into proper alignment with the truth, and holding and stabilizing the fracture until it could heal again, stronger and straighter than before. God promises that if I trust in Him, he will make my paths straight. In my case, he has not only to make my path straight, he also has to rebreak and remake my body, heart and soul capable of walking straight.
This is what is happening to me now. It's painful and difficult and seemingly endless. And even though I know it may take the rest of my natural life to locate, rebreak and heal all those old wounds, I know that there will be an end to this suffering. One day I will be called up to The Lord and made new by His grace. Meanwhile the labor of this life is reminding myself of truth.
The truth that this pain I'm walking in is a healing pain. It is for my good and my joy. It leads to freedom. So I will Praise The Lord for his mighty healing hand, even when the pain is at it's worst. The truth is that God will use the process of this healing to bring Glory to His name and joy to my heart. There is glory in the journey, not just in reaching the destination.
The truth is that the spiritual surgery he is performing on me is done in love and care for me. Cruelty would be to allow me to continue to walk a crooked path in my brokenness. God is good, He loves me and is for me. This process is long and painful, but it's worth it. It's worth it right now, not just when it's over. God leaves no tear wasted, he redeems every single one. Hope in The Lord, and He will deliver you from darkness.
Growing up in an abusive home means every night, every incident, every betrayal and hurt I experienced resulted in the fracturing of something inside me. Those fractured, left untreated, all healed crooked and bent at odd angles. Like a broken bone left unset and unsplinted, areas of my heart, soul and spirit were permanently crippled. I could still function, but not normally. Things easy for others came at great difficulty for me. My ability to trust, hope, love and live were all fractured, displaced and crippled by abuses experienced so young.
Then God took hold of my heart, and promised to heal all my old fractures and bents toward unbelief, distrust, fear and hopelessness. So began the long, painful process of rebreaking all those bones, setting them into proper alignment with the truth, and holding and stabilizing the fracture until it could heal again, stronger and straighter than before. God promises that if I trust in Him, he will make my paths straight. In my case, he has not only to make my path straight, he also has to rebreak and remake my body, heart and soul capable of walking straight.
This is what is happening to me now. It's painful and difficult and seemingly endless. And even though I know it may take the rest of my natural life to locate, rebreak and heal all those old wounds, I know that there will be an end to this suffering. One day I will be called up to The Lord and made new by His grace. Meanwhile the labor of this life is reminding myself of truth.
The truth that this pain I'm walking in is a healing pain. It is for my good and my joy. It leads to freedom. So I will Praise The Lord for his mighty healing hand, even when the pain is at it's worst. The truth is that God will use the process of this healing to bring Glory to His name and joy to my heart. There is glory in the journey, not just in reaching the destination.
The truth is that the spiritual surgery he is performing on me is done in love and care for me. Cruelty would be to allow me to continue to walk a crooked path in my brokenness. God is good, He loves me and is for me. This process is long and painful, but it's worth it. It's worth it right now, not just when it's over. God leaves no tear wasted, he redeems every single one. Hope in The Lord, and He will deliver you from darkness.