The Lie
They tell me that I'm crazy
That none of this is real
They say my mind betrayed me
They say it always will
There is no hope in my case
My sanity is lost
They should lock me in a safe place
Let the state absorb the cost
Or better yet, just take my life
Just kill myself and end it
Use a gun, a rope, a train, a knife
Don't say goodbye, just do it
The Truth
The truth is I serve a Holy God
And this makes the devil angry
I am ransomed, loved and called
So Satan seeks to destroy me
He wants to call the truth a lie
He taunts me with deceit
He promises torment until I die
Until he dances at my defeat
But I refuse to be decieved
By resisting I grow stronger
I'll meditate on truths that I've received
By the Spirit, I'll endure longer
The truth is stronger than the lie
Christ's light can drown out darkness
Satan may tempt me to give up and die
But my God and I will fight this
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Heart's desire
I desire the Lord above all things. To abide in His presence is my ultimate goal. To glory in His light and praise His holy name for all the vastness of eternity is my only aspiration. He is the fullness of everything. To chase after anything else is to labor after emptiness and void. What a fruitless, wasted life! I want my heart to be so bound up with Christ that someone would HAVE to know HIM in order to know me.
In Jesus Christ I have known love and care like I've never experienced nor can I experience in this life. No human attempt can compare. No mortal love will satisfy my heart, which was created for the adoration of a Holy God. For this I was made, and this is my sole pursuit.
God the Father created me in love. Jesus Christ sacrificed himself to save me, in love. The Holy Spirit abides within me, guiding and protecting, revealing and helping, in love! Only such a love is pure. Even my own heart, a love sacrifice for my redeemer, is blemished and tarnished, lacking and completely unworthy. God has loved me with a perfect love. He sent His son to live a perfect life, die a death deserved by me,to bear the full wrath of the Father to set me free! Then conquered death and rose again on the third day. Returned to heaven to reign and rule forever, leaving us with a perfect helper in His own spirit to live inside me. This is how my God has loved me.
My God has loved me in patiently and tenderly calling me back from death over and over again. Each time revealing more of himself to me and withstanding with all understanding my rejection of His perfect love. Until one day, He got through to my stubborn heart the thing he wanted to show me all along. That I have never walked alone, and I never have to walk alone. God's presence is constant in all things, at all times. I need only seek Him and I will find Him. In His mercy, God did not remove from me the tormenting darkness until I realized that I did not need Him to remove it so much as I needed him to walk with me through it. Once I understood this, what freedom! I could have courage in the face of anything. I could not be conquered by darkness in the presence of the Lord, and I was always in the presence of the Lord! This alone would have been enough. I could have endured for all the rest of my days dwelling in darkness knowing that the Lord has never left me or forsaken me, that he stood with me inside it. God showed me his presence in the darkness, and then in a display of power like I've never seen, He reached down with His mighty right hand and removed the darkness and set it apart from me. Then he filled that empty space with such peace and joy as I've never known.
Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercy. He has dealt with me with kindness and all gentleness. He is a loving, attentive Father who desires good things for his children. Praise God with all my heart, with all my life. Praise Him to the end of this life and throughout the next.
Lord please keep these truths central in my mind. May I remember your lessons always. Stay with me in way that I will never forget the things you have shown me. Please keep walking with me. Reveal to me the deep truths of your love. Praise be to your name for all eternity. You alone are worthy to be praised.
In Jesus Christ I have known love and care like I've never experienced nor can I experience in this life. No human attempt can compare. No mortal love will satisfy my heart, which was created for the adoration of a Holy God. For this I was made, and this is my sole pursuit.
God the Father created me in love. Jesus Christ sacrificed himself to save me, in love. The Holy Spirit abides within me, guiding and protecting, revealing and helping, in love! Only such a love is pure. Even my own heart, a love sacrifice for my redeemer, is blemished and tarnished, lacking and completely unworthy. God has loved me with a perfect love. He sent His son to live a perfect life, die a death deserved by me,to bear the full wrath of the Father to set me free! Then conquered death and rose again on the third day. Returned to heaven to reign and rule forever, leaving us with a perfect helper in His own spirit to live inside me. This is how my God has loved me.
My God has loved me in patiently and tenderly calling me back from death over and over again. Each time revealing more of himself to me and withstanding with all understanding my rejection of His perfect love. Until one day, He got through to my stubborn heart the thing he wanted to show me all along. That I have never walked alone, and I never have to walk alone. God's presence is constant in all things, at all times. I need only seek Him and I will find Him. In His mercy, God did not remove from me the tormenting darkness until I realized that I did not need Him to remove it so much as I needed him to walk with me through it. Once I understood this, what freedom! I could have courage in the face of anything. I could not be conquered by darkness in the presence of the Lord, and I was always in the presence of the Lord! This alone would have been enough. I could have endured for all the rest of my days dwelling in darkness knowing that the Lord has never left me or forsaken me, that he stood with me inside it. God showed me his presence in the darkness, and then in a display of power like I've never seen, He reached down with His mighty right hand and removed the darkness and set it apart from me. Then he filled that empty space with such peace and joy as I've never known.
Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercy. He has dealt with me with kindness and all gentleness. He is a loving, attentive Father who desires good things for his children. Praise God with all my heart, with all my life. Praise Him to the end of this life and throughout the next.
Lord please keep these truths central in my mind. May I remember your lessons always. Stay with me in way that I will never forget the things you have shown me. Please keep walking with me. Reveal to me the deep truths of your love. Praise be to your name for all eternity. You alone are worthy to be praised.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Praise the Lord forever!
Praise the Lord in the heavenly places! Praise Him all the earth!
Praise the Lord in the darkness for He has overcome the darkness!
Those spirits speaking lies into my heart are already defeated and damned to hell for eternity!
Hallelujah! Praise His name!
Jesus overcame sin and death and evil and darkness. He has vanquished the enemy to hell forever!
Our Lord Jesus is mighty to save, mighty to deliver, mighty to set the captives free.
I will sing His praises from my heart. I will sing songs of thanks and praise in my work.
I will praise Him with my words and with my works.
I will praise Him with my life.
Praise the Lord, he has delivered me from the chains of evil. By His name I am freed.
The name of Jesus is great and greatly to be praised forever and ever.
I will sing praises to the Lord with song, with tears, with dancing, with laughter, with love, with obedience.
I will worship the Lord forever.
My King, my rock, my deliverer, Jesus Christ, champion of hope, bringer of life, beacon of light in the darkness, Praise to you my King!
May my lips never cease to praise you. May my life be a vibrant testimony of your grace and mercy, your love and kindness, your vastness and sovereignty, your might and power over darkness.
Oh praise the Lord of my salvation! You have saved my soul from hell and delivered my life from the hands of my tormentors.
Praise be to your name, Jesus!
May my eyes never stray from your glory. May my feet never slip from your path.
May I walk in your will in glad submission all the days of my life.
Amen!
Praise the Lord in the darkness for He has overcome the darkness!
Those spirits speaking lies into my heart are already defeated and damned to hell for eternity!
Hallelujah! Praise His name!
Jesus overcame sin and death and evil and darkness. He has vanquished the enemy to hell forever!
Our Lord Jesus is mighty to save, mighty to deliver, mighty to set the captives free.
I will sing His praises from my heart. I will sing songs of thanks and praise in my work.
I will praise Him with my words and with my works.
I will praise Him with my life.
Praise the Lord, he has delivered me from the chains of evil. By His name I am freed.
The name of Jesus is great and greatly to be praised forever and ever.
I will sing praises to the Lord with song, with tears, with dancing, with laughter, with love, with obedience.
I will worship the Lord forever.
My King, my rock, my deliverer, Jesus Christ, champion of hope, bringer of life, beacon of light in the darkness, Praise to you my King!
May my lips never cease to praise you. May my life be a vibrant testimony of your grace and mercy, your love and kindness, your vastness and sovereignty, your might and power over darkness.
Oh praise the Lord of my salvation! You have saved my soul from hell and delivered my life from the hands of my tormentors.
Praise be to your name, Jesus!
May my eyes never stray from your glory. May my feet never slip from your path.
May I walk in your will in glad submission all the days of my life.
Amen!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
A psalm in the night.
When the sun goes down on the day, it also goes down on my soul
As the light slips from the sky it disappears from my eyes and my heart grows dark
My mind is a battlefield at night and the casualties are many
The smoke and the chaos, confusion and fear, uncertainty and anguish
oppress my spirit, depress my soul and make my heart despondent.
As it is written, My God is with me, whom shall I fear?
My God is for me, of whom shall I be afraid?
I will take courage and wait for the delivering right hand of the Lord.
I will be strong and let my heart take courage.
The enemy seeks to destroy me as I lie in my bed
As I lie down to rest his torment takes hold,
his lies swirl around me like a flock of deranged birds
Swooping and diving and screaming and clawing
until one finds refuge in some unprotected corner of my mind
Confusion sprouts up, doubt takes root and sleep evades me once again.
I cry out to the Lord in my anguish
I cry out in fear
I throw myself on the mercy of a loving God
I seek protection in the shadow of His wings
I look to His promises for asylum from the darkness threatening to engulf me.
I call upon the Lord in my distress.
Only He can rescue me from the consuming flames of evil.
The Lord, my God, is my fortress, my refuge, my stronghold against the devices of the enemy
He will protect. He will defend. He will lift up and establish me.
I will praise my God from the darkness.
I will lift up His holy name in song in the night.
I will speak of his greatness forever.
I will trust in the Lord with all my heart because the Lord my God is trustworthy.
His goodness endures forever. Great is His Faithfulness.
As the light slips from the sky it disappears from my eyes and my heart grows dark
My mind is a battlefield at night and the casualties are many
The smoke and the chaos, confusion and fear, uncertainty and anguish
oppress my spirit, depress my soul and make my heart despondent.
As it is written, My God is with me, whom shall I fear?
My God is for me, of whom shall I be afraid?
I will take courage and wait for the delivering right hand of the Lord.
I will be strong and let my heart take courage.
The enemy seeks to destroy me as I lie in my bed
As I lie down to rest his torment takes hold,
his lies swirl around me like a flock of deranged birds
Swooping and diving and screaming and clawing
until one finds refuge in some unprotected corner of my mind
Confusion sprouts up, doubt takes root and sleep evades me once again.
I cry out to the Lord in my anguish
I cry out in fear
I throw myself on the mercy of a loving God
I seek protection in the shadow of His wings
I look to His promises for asylum from the darkness threatening to engulf me.
I call upon the Lord in my distress.
Only He can rescue me from the consuming flames of evil.
The Lord, my God, is my fortress, my refuge, my stronghold against the devices of the enemy
He will protect. He will defend. He will lift up and establish me.
I will praise my God from the darkness.
I will lift up His holy name in song in the night.
I will speak of his greatness forever.
I will trust in the Lord with all my heart because the Lord my God is trustworthy.
His goodness endures forever. Great is His Faithfulness.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Night watch
The fear that fills you now is the fear that filled you then
The pain you feel is just a remnant of the horror that has been.
Soon the room will cease to spin, your heart will stop its pounding.
Reality will seep back in to secure you in your grounding.
The lights are on, the night will pass in weary, watchful waiting
For the monsters only you can see, for the memories you're hating.
And with a wail you cry to God, "please hear me Lord, please take me!"
"Please lay me down in dust to die, let me sleep and never wake me!"
A groan escapes from deep within, The Spirit calls out, "Daughter!"
"Dry your tears and incline your ears to hear your heavenly Father."
"I hear your pleas, I feel your pain, I'm angered by this injustice
Remember well my goodness, my love, your vengeance is mine, please trust this!
I create beauty from the ashes of a life in ruin and waste.
I will redeem each bitter tear you've cried until sweet freedom you taste"
The pain you feel is just a remnant of the horror that has been.
Soon the room will cease to spin, your heart will stop its pounding.
Reality will seep back in to secure you in your grounding.
The lights are on, the night will pass in weary, watchful waiting
For the monsters only you can see, for the memories you're hating.
And with a wail you cry to God, "please hear me Lord, please take me!"
"Please lay me down in dust to die, let me sleep and never wake me!"
A groan escapes from deep within, The Spirit calls out, "Daughter!"
"Dry your tears and incline your ears to hear your heavenly Father."
"I hear your pleas, I feel your pain, I'm angered by this injustice
Remember well my goodness, my love, your vengeance is mine, please trust this!
I create beauty from the ashes of a life in ruin and waste.
I will redeem each bitter tear you've cried until sweet freedom you taste"
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tiny Tiger
I have a tiny tiger on a chain
Every little bit I lose is a little bit he gains
Right now I can control each move that he makes
But each day he grows the more effort it takes
And someday he'll grow so large his chain will break
My pet tiger will have grown into an out of control beast
Prowling around my feet, looking for a feast
Waiting for the right time to pounce
And devour
What remains of my flesh
How much longer I have is anyone's guess
So I secure my tiger's chain to the foot of Jesus' cross
And for a moment, I shed a few tears for my loss
Then I walk away from him, feeling light and free
Christ's blood destroyed my tiger before my tiger destroyed me.
Every little bit I lose is a little bit he gains
Right now I can control each move that he makes
But each day he grows the more effort it takes
And someday he'll grow so large his chain will break
My pet tiger will have grown into an out of control beast
Prowling around my feet, looking for a feast
Waiting for the right time to pounce
And devour
What remains of my flesh
How much longer I have is anyone's guess
So I secure my tiger's chain to the foot of Jesus' cross
And for a moment, I shed a few tears for my loss
Then I walk away from him, feeling light and free
Christ's blood destroyed my tiger before my tiger destroyed me.
Breaking bones, breaking chains
1/7/13
Growing up in an abusive home means every night, every incident, every betrayal and hurt I experienced resulted in the fracturing of something inside me. Those fractured, left untreated, all healed crooked and bent at odd angles. Like a broken bone left unset and unsplinted, areas of my heart, soul and spirit were permanently crippled. I could still function, but not normally. Things easy for others came at great difficulty for me. My ability to trust, hope, love and live were all fractured, displaced and crippled by abuses experienced so young.
Then God took hold of my heart, and promised to heal all my old fractures and bents toward unbelief, distrust, fear and hopelessness. So began the long, painful process of rebreaking all those bones, setting them into proper alignment with the truth, and holding and stabilizing the fracture until it could heal again, stronger and straighter than before. God promises that if I trust in Him, he will make my paths straight. In my case, he has not only to make my path straight, he also has to rebreak and remake my body, heart and soul capable of walking straight.
This is what is happening to me now. It's painful and difficult and seemingly endless. And even though I know it may take the rest of my natural life to locate, rebreak and heal all those old wounds, I know that there will be an end to this suffering. One day I will be called up to The Lord and made new by His grace. Meanwhile the labor of this life is reminding myself of truth.
The truth that this pain I'm walking in is a healing pain. It is for my good and my joy. It leads to freedom. So I will Praise The Lord for his mighty healing hand, even when the pain is at it's worst. The truth is that God will use the process of this healing to bring Glory to His name and joy to my heart. There is glory in the journey, not just in reaching the destination.
The truth is that the spiritual surgery he is performing on me is done in love and care for me. Cruelty would be to allow me to continue to walk a crooked path in my brokenness. God is good, He loves me and is for me. This process is long and painful, but it's worth it. It's worth it right now, not just when it's over. God leaves no tear wasted, he redeems every single one. Hope in The Lord, and He will deliver you from darkness.
Growing up in an abusive home means every night, every incident, every betrayal and hurt I experienced resulted in the fracturing of something inside me. Those fractured, left untreated, all healed crooked and bent at odd angles. Like a broken bone left unset and unsplinted, areas of my heart, soul and spirit were permanently crippled. I could still function, but not normally. Things easy for others came at great difficulty for me. My ability to trust, hope, love and live were all fractured, displaced and crippled by abuses experienced so young.
Then God took hold of my heart, and promised to heal all my old fractures and bents toward unbelief, distrust, fear and hopelessness. So began the long, painful process of rebreaking all those bones, setting them into proper alignment with the truth, and holding and stabilizing the fracture until it could heal again, stronger and straighter than before. God promises that if I trust in Him, he will make my paths straight. In my case, he has not only to make my path straight, he also has to rebreak and remake my body, heart and soul capable of walking straight.
This is what is happening to me now. It's painful and difficult and seemingly endless. And even though I know it may take the rest of my natural life to locate, rebreak and heal all those old wounds, I know that there will be an end to this suffering. One day I will be called up to The Lord and made new by His grace. Meanwhile the labor of this life is reminding myself of truth.
The truth that this pain I'm walking in is a healing pain. It is for my good and my joy. It leads to freedom. So I will Praise The Lord for his mighty healing hand, even when the pain is at it's worst. The truth is that God will use the process of this healing to bring Glory to His name and joy to my heart. There is glory in the journey, not just in reaching the destination.
The truth is that the spiritual surgery he is performing on me is done in love and care for me. Cruelty would be to allow me to continue to walk a crooked path in my brokenness. God is good, He loves me and is for me. This process is long and painful, but it's worth it. It's worth it right now, not just when it's over. God leaves no tear wasted, he redeems every single one. Hope in The Lord, and He will deliver you from darkness.