Rejoicing in His presence.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
    you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

 but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
    you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God;
    I have made the Lord God my refuge,
    that I may tell of all your works.

Psalm 73:23-28

I am so thankful that by God's grace and mercy, he has remade my heart to sing these words and know that they are truth. I am continually with you! Think of it! Never alone, never abandoned, always in the presence of an almighty God. His presence is the prize. His presence is the goal. God has the power to remove me from my circumstances, or walk with me through them. I once preferred and prayed that he remove them and spare me the hardship. In the past few months however, God has shown me how to delight in His presence while walking with him through the hardships.

 I am reminded of a time when, as a very young child, my father took me and my older brother to a haunted house. As we stood in line I could hear the screaming and loud noises and scary music coming from inside and I grew increasingly terrified, dragging my feet and resisting entering this building. My father and brother each held a hand and dragged me forward, laughing at my fear. Upon reaching the door, a woman steps up and takes my hand. She told me, "I will hold your hand and walk with you through this. I will tell you what is happening and keep you safe." So she walked with me through the building warning me of a loud sound here or a person jumping at me there and shielding my eyes from things she deemed to gruesome for such a young child to see. Throughout the entire ordeal, she held my hand and reassured me that I was safe. I have no reason to remember this event to this day, except that it is a beautiful picture of God's love and care for His children; encouraging, advising and shielding. He is my protection when I am under attack, and my strength and courage when I am weak and fearful. There is truly nothing on this earth I desire besides the presence of God amidst the various trials of this life.

 I could live a life completely free from stress and pain and turmoil, and not have the presence of God amidst my peace, and it would be an utterly empty and joyless existence. There is no real peace, there cannot be true joy without the presence of God. Those things are not predicated on my circumstances, they are free gifts of the Lord, very often lavished on me in times of deep despair and heavy trials. I would rather teeter on the very edge of destruction all the rest of my days, knowing my God is with me and will never forsake me, than to walk through the rest of my life in complete ease and not know the Lord. How blessed am I that He has seen fit to reveal this truth to me. I can rejoice in suffering because Christ has redeemed it for His glory and my good. What mercy!

I had a coworker say of me the other day, "Rachael loves Jesus, but she still struggles so much? What's the advantage" I wish I had been present to answer that question. The advantage is hope! Without God, all my labor, all my striving, any successes and every failure will be for nothing. Life without the promises of salvation and hope in Christ is completely futile! In Christ, I have hope amidst my circumstances. I know that my flesh and my heart will fail. They fail every single day on some level, but I have the security of the promise of the Cross. I have eternity secured, my salvation sealed, my demons conquered. In the end, God wins. In fact, he has already won. 

Therefore, God is the strength of my heart. Of my own power, I am weak and frail. I cannot hold up under the weight of my reality or the darkness of this world. But God, being rich in mercy,  because of the great love with which he loves me, even when I was dead in my sin, made me alive together with Christ. By Grace, I have been saved, and this is the strength of my heart, and this is my hope. God is my refuge and my portion. My portion. All of and exactly what I need. No excesses, no fluff to get lost in. Just enough, perfectly enough. Not lacking in any way. My portion so that I never want for anything. In him I have everything necessary to battle well in this life. Praise God for this truth! Praise Him for his perfect provision, for the hope of my salvation, for the gift of His presence, for His joy, His peace, His protection and His strength.